working moms

a high school friend and i got to talking while waiting in line during Rashids enrollment. to wile the time, our conversation led to being working moms. as she was a career woman like myself, she couldn't help mentioning the travails of leaving kids at home in the morning and seeing them again at night. she felt guilty for doing that. honestly, a catholic or Islam society dictates that mothers should stay home and care for the kids. being a new mom, she felt guilty. i told her i did too before when i was younger.

guilt. it comes without warning, suddenly you feel as if you have been punched in the stomach. most working mothers feel guilty at one time or another. they may be running late for a parent teacher conference and interpret the look of other parents as a condemnation of your working, after all, they felt the conference was important enough to be on time for. one time, i felt a wave of guilt when my son made an innocent comment, “mom, all the other mothers bake cupcakes, why do we need to buy cookies from the store." this candid remark made me rush into the bathroom to cry. he actually didn't mean it but i was so overcome with a blanket of guilt that i had to let it out.

whether we're at home or in the office, a woking mom is always thinking of where she isn't or what she could or should be doing there. you're always a guilty mom because you feel as if you're never quite there. very true, right?!

a study completed by The University of Texas in 2005 did not find any developmental problems in children whose mothers worked outside the home. Dr. Aletha Huston, the study’s director states, “The mother is an important source of care then, but she doesn’t have to be there 24 hours a day to build a strong relationship with her child.”

some of the points of the study include:

• infant development is not delayed when a mother works outside the home.
• a mother’s personality, including their beliefs and the quality of their parenting was more important than the amount of time spent with their child.
• working mothers spent more time with their children on days off.
• working mothers spent less time on household chores and leisure activities.
• there were no differences in social behavior, cognitive ability and language development whether mothers stayed at home or worked.

my mom was a working mom too and they say working moms breed working moms. i remember her always leaving for somewhere with her bags parked at the front door. she was often in remote areas helping some indigent community or on a medical/dental relief effort in far-off places. i rarely saw her but when i did we always had a blast. i and my brothers were basically raised by a working, single mom but we turned out okey. i seriously think she did a hell of a great job.

bottomline is.. children will thrive based not on how much time they spend together,with their mothers but on the quality of time spent together. mothers that are comfortable with their decision, are confident in their abilities and provide loving and nurturing homes have the best chance of raising well-adjusted children, whether they work outside the home or stay at home.

following are photos of my "super" mom during her travels.

(in one of her climbing trips to Mt. Apo)(smoking her way to world peace :)

(during our Pikit relief efforts)

peace and light!!