spills

I've been very distracted lately. For some reason I can't seem to concentrate on something for more than ten minutes without my mind wandering to something else… The culprit? It's 30 days before Christmas and the those damn carols and christmas trees are scaring the bejeesus outta me. Or maybe its the midlife crisis?

Forget about mid-life crisis. Are you between the ages of 22-35? Directionless, apathetic, or dissatisfied with your job? Do you even HAVE a job? This phase of our life – dubbed quarter life – is by far the most stressful time in an adolescent’s life. It is a time of utmost instability in terms of careers, relationships and marriage, education, identity crisis, financial prosperity, independence, emotional strength and physical well-being. Most normal adolescents go thru this phase, well, as a matter of fact, I am speaking for myself. It’s like a vicious circle of success and catastrophe, each occurrence proving even better or worse than the former. Post-college wasn't that bad either. I graduated (?) from college, got a menial job, quit the job, found another, moved around in search of fulfillment, traveled to beautiful places, became a mom, fought depression, lost a relationship, started another, lost friends, found new friends, lived alone, explored the depths and complexities of my being while fighting the world, traveled to my dream destinations, lost a relationship, got a better job, it went on and on, round and round, and finally, searched for my one true love and true happiness, and found it…

It was a struggle. I grappled, I fought, I failed, I conquered.

My story has little to offer in the subject of great courage in the face of danger and failure. People, places, events and circumstances in my life (good or bad) are the core of my existence. In our lives, there are lovers who betray, family that turns their back on us because of a single fault, people who promised they would never hurt us but did. Then there’s the friend who turns their back on you when you really need them, one who asks you to lie for them, one who asks you to stand in the middle of an argument for them. It's like the small choices you make, to walk that extra yard that turns into a mile, to make that tiny effort that turns into commitment, to agree to stand in the middle for a friend. Maybe it's these things that define who you are, who you will be remembered as. And I know what I am to every person in my life.

I have learned my lesson the hard way. What I have become is mainly because of the influences and inspirations I have in my life. It has been said, that the little things in life are what make the difference: a small smile, an encouraging disposition, a glare, a harsh word, a piece of advice, a helpful pointing in the right direction, even simple companionship. given that, we look at the small events adding up to the sum of our lives…

My son has taught me to appreciate life’s simple pleasures…a smile, a hug, a reassuring look, can make a million worries fade away in an instant. My loved ones have helped me overcome fear, adversity and despair.

The pursuit for true happiness will continue in the morning, but for now i lean back and watch my life unfurl, the reality of it all sinking in. Another day, another trial; another reminder of the importance of one's dependence on others in one's own weakness; another reminder that it is the little things that can make a world of difference in a person's life.

The quest will continue. After all, it must.